A Kinder New Year Reset: Gap vs. Gain
This episode is a kinder reset inspired by The Gap and the Gain: a simple, screen-free nightly journal practice—3 gains, 3 intentions, and 1 memory—to help you focus on progress (not perfection) and keep the story as you live it.
Key takeaways
What gap vs. gain taught me about measuring progress
A reflection that helped me see my year differently
The sunrise project that proved consistency doesn’t require perfection
Why motherhood creates more “gray area” (and how to work with it)
The screen-free nightly practice: 3 gains + 3 intentions + 1 memory
Try this tonight (3 minutes)
Write 3 gains from today
Write 3 intentions for tomorrow
Write 1 memory (1–2 sentences)
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Welcome to Postcards for Posterity
Hey, welcome to Postcards for Posterity. Make the memories. Keep the story. I'm Maddie, and this show is for moms and anyone who takes the pictures and holds the stories in their families, but doesn't wanna miss their life while trying to document it.
Feeling the Pressure of Expectations
Today's episode is for anyone who's been feeling that quiet pressure of, I should be further along, I should have it together by now. I'm still here with the same questions. You don't need a perfect plan. You might just need a gentle reset and a simple practice you can return to.
Understanding the Gap and the Gain
So earlier this year I read a book called The Gap and the Gain, and it put words to something I didn't realize was running so much of my day-to-day thinking.
Here's the simple version. When you live in the gap, you measure yourself against an ideal you haven't reached. You focus on what you didn't do, what you should be doing, and how far you still have to go. When you live in the gain, you measure from where you started, you notice progress, you celebrate what's real.
You still grow. You still want things, but you're not using [00:01:00] the distance to the ideal as proof that you're failing. And when I read that, I was like, oh, I live in the gap a lot. And honestly, if you're the kind of person who wants to do a good job at parenting, at relationships, at work, at life, gap thinking can sound like motivation.
But it often turns into heaviness, especially if you're the memory keeper, because gap thinking shows up as, I should be documenting more intentionally. I should be more consistent. I should have a system. I should be doing more. I should, I should, I should. And then memory keeping becomes another place you feel behind.
Personal Reflections on Progress
I noticed recently on a family trip, it was a similar trip we had taken a year before, as we were preparing for the trip, I started thinking about where I was the year before and what I said I would be doing during that year and what I thought I would have achieved, how I thought I'd [00:02:00] feel, and I wasn't there.
I had this thought like I'm still here with the same questions I had almost a year ago. That is such a gap thought, right? Because it sounds like I didn't move forward enough, but then I thought about it longer and I realized something that genuinely surprised me. I did make progress. I've made progress in my health.
I navigated changes at work that were sometimes overwhelming and stressful, but I managed it. I pursued something in business and realized it wasn't the right fit, and walking away from that wasn't failure. It was clarity. I went on an international trip with a toddler and survived.
I've been digging deeper into what I can do to improve, showing up, learning, adjusting, even this podcast, and developing my blog mission and where I wanted to go with it. [00:03:00] That was huge. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't linear, but it wasn't nothing, and that's what Gain thinking gives you the ability to see your life honestly with compassion and continue to move forward.
A Year of Sunrises: A Personal JourneyPersonal Stories and Practical Tips
I wanna share a story that taught me more than I expected. In 2017, my husband and I moved to Utah and I struggled more than I anticipated. We were newly married. I felt unexpectedly lonely. He was in school and working most of the time, and honestly, I just was not loving the mountains. It was my first time living in a mountainous area, and it was just really hard for me, and I thought, this isn't what I thought this would feel like.
Around that time I had this idea, what if I watch the sunrise every day for a year? Before this experience, I could count on one hand the number of times in my life I'd [00:04:00] watched a sunrise. But on the first morning of that new year in below freezing weather, I felt this little nudge to go outside and watch the sunrise.
So I did, and then I did it again the next day and the next, I watched the sunrise every day of 2018. On the way to work, through my MBA program, and even while traveling for school in places I didn't know where I was, I would find a way to find a viewpoint where I could watch the sunrise. I built my mornings around it.
Everyone knew how important it was to me, and over time, it became one of the most consistent commitments I'd ever made. I was even willing to not take a final so that I could watch the sunrise if my professor didn't agree to let me go and watch it during the final, I passed the class. Don't worry, and I'm not telling you to go watch the sunrise every [00:05:00] day.
Lessons from a Sunrise Commitment
I'm telling you this because what it taught me about progress. At the beginning, I set one rule that mattered more than the streak. If I missed a sunrise, I would still go the next day because the measure of success of that project wasn't perfection.
It was what the habit was doing to me, it was building the kind of person who shows up and returns even after missed day. There's a quote I love by Mary Anne Radmacher. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow. That's what I want any reset to feel like. Not a restart that shames you, a restart that steadies you. And here's something else I realized recently. I don't remember any other resolutions from that year. The sunrise was basically my only focus, which is important because I think we try to change too much at once.
Focusing on One Thing at a Time
Lately, I've caught myself thinking, where did that conviction [00:06:00] go? I used to make these big commitments and stick to them, and now it feels like I can barely commit to a couple exercise classes a week. I brought that into a conversation with a friend and she asked a simple question, was that before you had a child?
Yes, it was, and it was such a helpful reframe, not as an excuse, but as context because parenting, life with a toddler, creates so much gray area. It's unpredictable. It requires flexibility. And if I demand black and white intensity in a season that requires gray area grace, I end up feeling like I'm failing.
She told me something that has been changing my life. Commit to one thing first. Make it autopilot, make it a non-negotiable, then build from there. The next time I saw her, I started tearing up because I was celebrating that I made it to Pilates consistently once a week. Once a week. That was my non-negotiable, and I was so proud of myself because it wasn't about [00:07:00] doing everything.
It was about building trust that I could do one thing and go from there and trust myself again.
Having focus can be so important, and this is also where my partner and I have been talking about choosing just three focus areas for this season. We are still in process for this. But two of those are pretty clear.
Our relationship and our faith, and I'm sure the third will change depending on what life needs most. It might be health, parenting, community or something else. But the point is narrowing your focus enough that you can actually live it. And here's what I love. You can align your days to those priorities without building a complicated system, and you can do it with a tiny nightly practice.
Three Gains, Three Intentions, One Memory
This is the tool I wanna give you today. It's simple, it's screen free. It takes about three minutes, and I've been doing it this past week, which is why I wanted to share it while it's fresh. Here it is [00:08:00] three gains, three intentions, and one memory. At the end of the day, write down three gains, three moments of progress, goodness, or small wins.
They can be tiny. I drank water. I stayed calm through bedtime. I asked for help. I moved my body once. I followed through on one small thing. This isn't pretending everything is perfect or you're at the peak of the mountain. This is training your brain to notice progress, because if you're like me, your brain is already very good at noticing what's unfinished.
Then write three intentions for tomorrow, just three ways you wanna show up, and this is where the three focus areas can help. If your priorities are relationship, faith, and health, your intentions might be 10 minutes of uninterrupted check-in time with your partner, or one small moment of prayer or scripture for your faith or a walk, Pilates, or prepping something supportive [00:09:00] for tomorrow for your health.
Small, realistic, in your capacity. Intentions are direction, not pressure.
The book recommends to do these three gains and three intentions. It helps you keep focused on what you're doing and where you're going. One thing I wanna add though. Each day, choose one memory from the day and write one or two sentences. That's your letter from the day.
It can be ordinary, it can be sensory, it can be something your child said. It can be a small moment that surprised you. It can be a tiny win you don't wanna forget. And this matters for memory keeping because it turns your day into a story you can return to later without needing to document everything.
I love doing this before I go to sleep for one simple reason. It helps me end the day grounded in what I did, do my gains, and it helps me fall asleep with clarity about tomorrow my intentions. And doing it on paper matters too.
No screens, no scrolling, just a notebook and a [00:10:00] pen, and it's like closing the day out with peace instead of a mental checklist. If you wanna try this, keep it gentle. Do it for seven days, do it for three days a week, or just start tonight and come back to it whenever you need a reset. You cannot be behind on a practice you're choosing to begin.
If you do try this tonight, grab a notebook, write today's date, three gains, three intentions, one memory, three minutes.
Closing Thoughts and Staying Connected
If you wanna learn more about the idea of living in the gain, I'll link the Gap and the Gain in the show notes. And if you wanna stay connected between episodes, join the Love Maddily newsletter and find show notes and freebies at lovemaddily.com/postcards-for-posterity-podcast
Postcards for Posterity is connected to my Love Maddily blog, and that's where I share additional resources, links, and freebies, ways for you to stay more connected to the memories and people in your life. Until next time, make the memories, keep the story letters from today for the days ahead.
Links
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